I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
