when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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