It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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