Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I will be naked everywhere
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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