Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
