Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
