i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
