I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
