I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
