The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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