I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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