nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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