I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
