you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
