Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
