the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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