Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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