I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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