Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
