They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
