I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize