somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
