Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
