haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
