Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Can Purell be used as lube?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just pee around me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
