there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize