I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
