It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
