I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
