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Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize