Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
