I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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