you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
