I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
