its not stalking. its research.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
