I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Im part way to drunk.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
