Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
