just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His nipple licking is glorious
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