I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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