he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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