Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
