So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
