Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My liver just had a heart attack.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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