im about as happy as oj after his trial
accomplished twins. life is a go
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
