I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
