theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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