i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You did what with his pubic hair?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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