Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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