I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
