Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
