please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
