I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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