I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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