escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Boobs are out for the taking
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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