A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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