So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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