I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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