just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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