I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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