The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
