Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
