He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
