Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
