i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
