i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
