Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
