Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Randomize
